A Return from the Hell of Addiction
Substance Abuser Triumphs Over Alcohol and Drug Dependency
Aug 15, 2009
During a recent phone interview, Gene, who lives in the Northeastern United States, discussed his addiction. In 1985, after being jailed over a weekend for smashing his girlfriend's face with a wine bottle, he was sentenced to attend three months of AA meetings. "I did it because I had to do it, not because I was ready to accept the AA program," says Gene, who got drunk the day after completing his sentence.
The Worst Period of His Addiction
That one drink spurred a cataclysmic two-year run and the worst period of his addiction. "I would always keep two bottles of Champagne on hand plus Maui Wowie, a very potent marijuana. I never passed a joint, always kept my own." He became a chemist of sorts, he says, trying to double his euphoric high by incorporating into a formula cocaine and anything else offered him.
"I felt I would die. I couldn't go on. My life didn't make sense. I no longer felt in control; alcohol and drugs were running the show." It was just a matter of time, he adds, before everything would explode.
In October 1987, he married the girlfriend he had battered two years earlier. "I don't even remember when I got married," he says. "I was bombed, I was drunk, including the first time I got married." The couple divorced a few years ago.
An Addict Must Hit Bottom to Get Sober
For an alcoholic to get sober, you have to hit bottom, he says. It happened for Gene at the time of his mother's death in April 1987, when he couldn't even attend her funeral because he was strung out on cocaine.
There's a difference between being dry and being sober, he explains. "Being sober is having to change your whole life, your whole perspective. Your whole moral structure changes, not immediately, but when you work on the 12-step program."
Soon after his third wedding, Gene returned to Alcoholics Anonymous and this time, he stayed. He realized there was no way he could stop on his own. "It's not just about stopping; it's about staying stopped."
The 12-Step Alcoholics Anonymous Program Led This Addict to a Life of Love and Service
It is now nearly 22 years later, and Gene continues to attend daily meetings of AA. He says through its program, the organization has led him to a power greater than himself. The connection he found to a God of his understanding has helped him stay away, one day at a time, from drinking and drugging.
"I find purpose and meaning in my life that I didn't have before. I realize I was very selfish and only about taking, pleasure and indulgence. " Gene says his life is now about love and service. Monthly, he speaks to prisoners at the jail where he was detained that weekend long ago. He frequently chairs and speaks at AA meetings and helps as a sponsor to guide other addicts who have lost their way.
"My primary purpose today is to stay sober and help another alcoholic," he says. He believes the program took him from the gates of hell to a life where he has grown and learned to be everything he always wanted to be. "I found when I stopped drinking, I became the kind of person that I drank to be."
In stopping an addiction, he says, you have to recognize that you have a problem and reach a point where you can't take it any more. "You say 'I've had enough, I surrender.' It's one of the paradoxes of the program. Once you recognize you have a problem and surrender, you win."
You must have the willingness and openness to show up at whatever 12-step program you join for your addiction, he adds, and be willing to listen, learn and open yourself up to the change.
Does he fear that one day he might go back to his old habits? "I would just as much want to pick up a drink than jump off a tall building," Gene says. "It would be suicidal. One drink is too many and 1,000, not enough."
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