Alcoholism is a Family Disease
Families of Addiction and COAs - Dysfunction & Defense Mechanisms
Nov 8, 2008
In alcoholic families the opposite is often the norm. Although the alcoholic or drug addict is the user, family members themselves are negatively affected by the drink or drug as well. In fact, as many as 1 in every 4 families may suffer emotional pain and serious - even catastrophic - consequences of the alcoholic or drug addict’s use or behavior. This could be either social, financial, mental or emotional, or even physical consequences. In fact, alcoholism is also an intergenerational disease, and often affects entire families throughout the generations. But while millions are affected by chemical dependency, fewer than 30 percent of them ever receive professional help.
As a family disease, the family becomes dysfunctional. It is no longer a vibrant, health producing, working system, but often falls into chaos or crisis. As the alcoholism progresses, the family disease also progresses and the symptoms become more serious and the family is in greater need of therapeutic intervention for resolve.
What is Co-dependency?
An alcoholic family experiences co-dependency with oppressive rules, repressed emotions, an unhealthy pattern of relating, a lack of intimacy in relationships, or an environment that can be controlling or one with undue anxiety, depression or fear. Often, co-dependents may develop compulsions of their own. Eventually, co-dependency becomes a condition of compulsive behavior, emotions, thinking and reacting by family members in order to cope and survive in a family experiencing such emotional pain.
What is Denial?
In an alcoholic family, a pattern of denial emerges, either a tendency to refuse to accept that an alcohol or drug problem is developing or to acknowledge the extent of that problem. There are as many as 50 different types of denial including anger, minimization, excuses, projection, evasion, deflection, or even acting out behavior.
What is Enabling?
Many times when family and friends try to "help" alcoholics, they are actually making it easier for them to continue in the disease. This phenomenon called enabling, takes many forms, all of which allow the alcoholic to avoid the consequences of his actions. This in turn allows the alcoholic to continue his (or her) drinking or drugging, secure in the knowledge that somebody will always be there to rescue him or bail him out from his mistakes. Enabling is not helping. It is doing something for someone that they could, and should be doing themselves.
What Can be Done?
Alcoholism is a disease that can bottle up an entire family and isolate them from their friends, neighbors and even each other. But there is hope. By reaching out families can put themselves onto the road to recovery and back into the world around them. To overcome the family disease of alcoholism, though, family members must first concentrate on freeing themselves regardless of the alcoholic’s drinking. This requires getting help from outside the family - a necessary step in breaking the hold of alcoholism. So what should family members do? Look at oneself, look within. Learn to stop the denial. Learn how to detach with love. Learn how to stop enabling. Learn to stop over-reacting. Learn how to change one's own self-defeating behaviors. Learn to take care of self and the other family members. Don’t let the family life be dominated by the drinking.
Alcohol and Drugs Don’t Unite Families, They Divide Them!
Recovery is about healing, about learning new ways of relating, about changing old habits, about setting limits, and practicing “tough love.” Families cannot beat alcoholism alone, and the problem will not “disappear” by itself. Remember that dependency is not just the alcoholic’s problem, if there is an alcoholic in the family then the whole family is sick and needs help. Families need to find professional help through the yellow pages or join a program such as Al-Anon. The family is well worth it!
Alcoholism is a Family Disease
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